Conventional Realities
by DJRabidPunk
Summary: AU. NOT A CROSSOVER. Aang and Zuko meet at a convention and break the rules of all fandoms. Chaos, snarkiness, sex, overexaggeration and naughty language ensue.


**Conventional Realities**

Stretching languidly against nice, clean hotel sheets, toes curling in contentment, Aang was totally at peace. Zuko, however, was the picture of rigid guilt.

"God. You know, we're violating every rule of the universe right now. Like, _every_ rule. Even the ones that don't specifically deal with sex, we are violating." A quiet pause as Aang smiled at the ceiling, rolling onto his stomach -and Zuko- so he could lave at a pale collarbone with his tongue. Zuko didn't move, still frowning at the ceiling like it had offended him personally by calling his mother fat. Aang glanced up at it again curiously. It was cream, with a ceiling fan in the middle. He dismissed the personal offense idea. Cream wasn't that offensive.

"I am so fucked. I'm going to have to lie horribly to my uncle's face, and he's gonna needle it out of me and then I'll be kicked out of the Order. Aw, _fuck_." Frowning, Aang banged his forehead lightly against Zuko's, startling him slightly.

"_Eiheu dabhae, e'lev_." Zuko frowned curiously.

"What's that? Klingon?" Aang growled, the sound almost comical from someone so…well. Cute. Zuko thought Aang was cute. But then he drew his lips back from his teeth and really _growled_, the expression fierce and the sound rumbling from deep in his chest. That wasn't cute. That was sexy, and the slightest bit intimidating. It was that growl that had gotten him into Aang's bed in the first place. He glanced at the gold shirt lying on the floor- gold was command, right?

"I am a Romulan, Zuko. That's really insulting to call me a Klingon. Does it look like I have a giant ridged forehead to you?" Zuko quirked a smile, running his hands down Aang's slim back. He took the flexing of Aang's shoulder blades to mean forgiveness.

"Sorry, I know nothing of Trek. I bet you don't know anything about Star Wars, either." One eyebrow went up, and Aang smiled a wide, charming smile. That hadn't come out before, and it was really nice. Really, really nice.

"I know your stupid clip-on ponytail means you're a Padiwan learner. And that this, between us? Goes against the universe's rules." A sly, slow kiss. Zuko pulled away all too amused.

"So what did you say?" Aang's head tilted coyly as he propped himself on his elbows, Zuko's hands steadily make their way up and down his back. Aang was pretty short for seventeen, completely bald all over (_alllll over_), and he had that weird arrow tattoo that looped over his head, down his back, and out along his limbs like a map. He wasn't entirely sure it was fake, either. He was slight but with wiry muscle and a strange elegance that made something in Zuko tingle. It was nice. Aang was nice. Being with Aang was _really_ nice.

But Aang still hadn't answered, and was starting to look vaguely upset.

"Hey. I'm sorry. Did I say something wrong? I'm sorry." Aang frowned intensely for half a second, then broke out into that sunny smile again.

"I said 'shut up, bitch'. Nothing's going to go wrong, seriously. Just play it off like nothing happened." Aang placed a placating kiss on the end of Zuko's nose, then sat up, itching the back of his neck and yawning impressively.

"Aw, man, what time is it? The Captain said he'd be back at two." Zuko glanced at his watch, which he was oddly enough still wearing. Mind-blowing sex and he'd forgotten to take off his watch? Geez. How lame.

"Oh, my, _god_." Aang had yanked his hand around to look at his watch, and now was frantically trying to untangle himself with the sheets. He paused abruptly to stare at a splotch of white on the whiter sheets, horror turning him pale.

"Oh, I am so screwed." Zuko sat up, taking in Aang's frantic, slightly manic struggle to put on his pants and simultaneously make sure his ears, pointed little pieces of plastic that they were, weren't hanging off his head.

"Um, should I leave? I mean, it's not a big deal, I can just go-" Aang stopped again, only to leap onto the bed, seize him by the neck and kiss him more intensely than he'd ever been kissed. His head reeled when Aang detached with a slight pop.

"Yeah, you need to leave. Now would be nice. But I really like you, and I want your phone number. Are you local?" Zuko shook his head numbly. Aang grinned.

"Neither am I. Okay. Um…" Aang leaned way over, the crest of his ass sticking out of his uniform pants while he groped in the side table for a pen. The pen was stuck between his teeth as he burrowed under the covers to find Zuko's hip, of all things.

"What the hell are you doing?" Zuko asked, bemused, as Aang wrote. Pale pink tongue poking through his lips, Aang carefully scrawled ten numbers, and an unfamiliar word. E'lev.

Once Aang had written his number, Zuko took the pen and oh-so carefully bent Aang's arm behind his back, so that elbow and forearm were one flat plane. He jots his own numbers quickly, then releases Aang's arm. No matter how he twists and squirms, Aang can't see all of the numbers. Zuko smiles.

They were silent then as they gathered up their things, Aang trying to futilely hide what they've done and Zuko just trying to get all his gear on the right way. Obi's had to be the most annoying things ever.

Aang shooed him out the door once he'd found both his boots, then quickly called him back to reel him in by the collar for a chaste kiss. Squeezing Aang's hand once, he took off for the elevator.

The doors opened just as he reached it. Three Trekkers filed out- A dark-skinned girl and boy, probably related, the girl in a short blue uniform and the boy in gold. They both glared at him suspiciously as they filed out of the elevator, and he sneered back. A small, pale girl trailed behind them, wearing a red man's uniform. Her eyes stared straight forward, white-green. It looked like she was blind, as she bumped into him as he passed. She stumbled, and he steadied her automatically. Grinning wickedly, she thumped him on the shoulder.

"Thanks, Sparky." The three passed down the hall, and to Zuko's slight horror, swiped their keycards at the same door he'd just come out of. There was a shout of laughter, and then it was cut off when he had to hurry into the elevator before the doors closed.

_**TREK VS WARS**_

"You're being really quiet, Zuko. You okay?" Zuko looked up, a small smile on his face at Mai's concern. And her outfit. He'd never seen such a disdainful Queen Amidala, and yet she was still much more beautiful than any of the others. But Zuko couldn't really focus on her prettiness. That had ended a while ago, and right now he was looking for pointed Romulan ears and a bald head, the strange blue tattoo and that throaty word that was written on his hip. E'lev. What did it mean?

"Come on, you can tell me, Zuko. I know everything about you. It can't be that embarrassing." Zuko raised an eyebrow. She blanched.

"Okay, yeah, I shouldn't have said that. You happen to have the worst luck in the universe." There's their brand of laughter, muffled chuckles that silently shake their shoulders. Mai dug her elbow into his ribs, hands still folded primly in front of her. He frowned and almost, almost yanked on the danglies in her hair.

"Come on, Zuko." He looks away, not-so-subtly scanning the crowd of convention goers. The lobby is full of them, Starfleet officers and Jedi knights competing for space around the fountain and wide windows. Behind a giant, lumbering Gorn (and Zuko totally didn't read the Cliff Notes on all TOS episodes when he got back to his room last night, not at all), to the left of a couple of slowly dueling Darksiders, there is a group of four, the dark skinned siblings, the pale blind girl, and Aang. He's laughing at something the other boy is saying, his nose crinkling.

Mai gasps, and he flinches. Caught, damn.

"You didn't." Zuko raises an eyebrow, then feels slightly guilty because it makes him feel distinctly…Vulcan. And that's almost a bigger betrayal to his fandom than sleeping with Aang.

"You…with that scrawny little…? Zuko, you are _so_. Very. Stupid." He jams his hands in his pockets and lifts his chin at her, gaze steely. She sighs through her nose and looks at the ceiling, like she's praying.

"Don't do this, Zuko. Don't get all stubborn over some squirty Starfleet shit-"

"Don't talk about him like that, Mai." His voice is dark and icy, thunder barely choked down. He can't get rid of the dark rage that was suddenly bearing down on him, and he summons up an image of his mother by the duck pond, and orchid in her hair. Slowly it ebbs, and Mai is staring at him with her usual dark, venomous glare.

"God. You're so hopeless." He doesn't grin. Really, he doesn't.

_**WARS VS TREK**_

Mai told Azula, and Zuko is about to die.

"Really, Zuzu, I thought you'd at least break the rules for someone…oh, I don't know. Female, though this isn't really that much of a surprise. Someone at least attractive-"

"I think he's attractive, in a really boyish sort of way!" Azula glares at Tai Li in her pink pajamas, staring at the Facebook page that they all dragged up. The picture is hasty, blurred as if Aang was caught off guard, and there's next to no activity, which seems odd for some reason.

"Shut up, Tai Li. He's not attractive, he's cute, which is a total step down from Mai." Mai at least looks like she regrets telling Azula about Zuko's…tryst. He isn't sure what to call it, but he knows what he wants to call it. He pulls a pillow off the bed onto the floor with him, dragging it over his face to feign boredom. He slowly mouths the word "boyfriend" into the cotton. He rolls it across his tongue a few times, buttery feelings smothered under hotel pillows.

He drowns out the girls arguments, mind drifting lazily in currents of memory. He only emerges when they ask him what he wants from room service, and it's only a murmured answer. They think it's strange, but Mai defends him passively, and he's left in peace.

He wonders if his mom would like Aang, and slowly comes to the realization that she would adore him. The sunniness that is briefly exposed in his smile, the peacefulness that seems to follow him. The thought is a little terrifying, because if she were around, she'd be whipping out baby pictures and stupid stories and the embarrassment would smother him. He squashes the pillow to his face to muffle his sudden laughter, and then laughs again when Tai Li quietly asks if he's gone crazy.

Drifting again, he thinks back to the party where they met. It was a mixer, a desperate attempt by the hotel to smooth over the rivalry between the two fandoms. There'd been some kind of big fight the day before, where nearly half of the guests got kicked out for breaking into a free-for-all, Trekkers versus Wars fans. There'd still been tension, the room distinctly split between types of sci-fi geeks. Zuko had never really been completely against Trekkies, but it was like, the biggest unspoken rule ever that you didn't talk to those that were Not of Your Kind. He'd just sort of gone with the flow, as he didn't talk to anyone but the three girls and his Uncle, anyways.

And then, since he was nineteen but could pass for twenty-one, he'd managed to flirt his way into some booze and gotten drunk. As the night wore on, others followed suit, and slowly the lines blurred. There was a Vulcan elder hiking up her robes to dance with one of the Jedi Masters, and of course Tai Li had swarms of aliens of every type around her, blabbering in about four different languages. Zuko had slumped against the wall, nursing his cup and trying to figure out how two nerds were playing three-dimensional chess. He was just starting to get the gist of it when someone plopped against the wall next to him, giving an exhausted sigh. He blinked slowly around, senses dulled by the rum.

Smiling hugely and flushed, sweaty and exhausted but happy, there was some pointy-eared bastard of a kid. He glared and sent off all the "go the fuck away" vibes that he could. The kid's smile seemed like a force-field of obliviousness, and his grey eyes flashed as he edged closer.

"So, why are you over here all alone? Are you scared of people or something?" Zuko lifted a brow and frowned. The kid was paying absolute attention to him- there was no way that he'd be able to avoid answering.

"…I don't talk to strangers, kid." This seem to be offensive, as the kid drew himself up, smile gone in a snap.

"I'm not a kid. I'm-" Zuko cut him off as he slammed his drink into the back of his throat, then gave his best glare.

"I don't give a fuck how old you are. I don't want to know your name, where you're from, your sexuality, or your story. So please, just leave me alone." Grey eyes narrowed and suddenly dark, the kid smirked. It was the dangerous expression of someone who'd heard just what they wanted to hear.

"Good. I don't want to tell you any of that anyways, it gets in the way. But you should at least know I'm legal." And with that, the kid got up on tiptoe- _tiptoe_, because he was really that short- and growled against Zuko's mouth, one hand pressed against his crotch and his tongue halfway down his throat.

Zuko had never kissed a guy. It wasn't really something he was interested in, as his mother had been reading him fairy tales of love and romance since he was in the womb, and he'd been imbibed with this god-awful sense that if he didn't love someone, he shouldn't kiss them. That had been what had eventually broken him and Mai up. But now there was an almost-midget trying to get into his pants, and he'd be damned if it didn't turn him on. And right then, Zuko had been really drunk, and that little romantic sense had died in the heat of pure lust.

And now he wasn't sure if it had been all lust, or if that romantic sense had flared instead of died-

There was a loud, rapid knock on the door, and as the girls were too engrossed in TV, he got to his feet and went to answer it.

He expected room service. Instead, there was Aang, his ears round and wearing sweatpants and a Spock T-shirt.

There was a loud, heavy silence, during which Aang fidgeted, started to say something several times and then stopped, and avoided looking at Zuko. Zuko stared, slack-jawed, aware that he was wearing his rattiest sweatpants and he hadn't taken a shower, and he'd been laying on the floor so his hair was probably stuck up like a baby chicken's. Wonderful.

"Um, how did you find my room number?" Aang gave a nervous smile, bouncing on his toes.

"I asked the front desk, like a normal person." A lull, and Zuko suddenly thought that it would be a _superb_ idea to shut the door, so the girls didn't know that he was talking to Aang.

"Wow. This isn't totally awkward, right?" Aang grimaced, and Zuko nodded a little. In the afterglow, words came a lot easier. Not that they were any less lame than his usual attempts, but they came out easier, at least. Now he was clamming up, and he didn't know how to un-clam.

"So, uh, is there something you wanted to talk about? That you couldn't talk about on the phone?" And here Aang's expression fell, and he worried his lip, hands twisting in his pockets. Finally he gave an exasperated sigh and said,

"Didn't you ask anybody what it meant?" Zuko frowned.

"What it- oh, the word. E'lev. Um, no, I'm not really on speaking terms with any other Romulans." For some reason, this made Aang beam, then frown and make frustrated noises.

"Oh, god, this would be so much easier if I didn't have to tell you, ya know? I mean, I already went through this once, and look how that turned out." Zuko didn't reply, as Aang seemed to be speaking more to himself than him. Finally Aang closed his eyes, took a deep breath and said as quickly as humanly possible,

"E'lev means love. I don't know what I was thinking or doing, saying that, but it just sort of slipped out and you didn't know so I didn't really think it mattered, but now it's bugging me because I feel guilty and obligated and I just want you to know that it doesn't have to mean anything. I just…I really, really like you. And I've screwed up relationships before, and it doesn't quite have to be a relationship, I mean, well, I don't really know what I mean. I guess I'm asking you out."

Zuko stared.

"Could you repeat that? I only caught about four words." Aang looked like he was going to be sick, and Zuko snorted.

"Sorry, that was a bad joke. And I'm kind of shocked, because I was just thinking the same thing." Aang's eyes went comically wide, and he grabbed the hem of his shirt in clenched hands.

"Seriously?" Zuko slowly lifted himself off the wall he'd been leaning on, ambling over to where Aang stood in the middle of the hall. Gently cupping Aang's jaw, he kissed him, slow and soft and languid.

And then Tai Li opened the door and _screamed_.

Zuko nearly bit his own tongue off, and Aang screamed in response, hiding behind Zuko as he cursed as loudly as possible. People were poking their heads out, grumbling and looking peeved. And then Uncle stepped out, and Zuko's embarrassment was sealed.

_**TREK VS WARS**_

"This feels stupid," Zuko sang through the closed door. Aang snickered on the other side.

"Of course it feels stupid. We're at a convention; if you lose the feeling that it's stupid, you know you've been sucked in for life. There is no escape." Aang made impressively dramatic sucking noises, and Zuko struggled not to laugh as he tugged on his over-shirt. Aang giggled on the other side of the door.

"You're laughing. Admit it, you're laughing." Zuko rolled his eyes at the ceiling, taking a final glance at himself in the mirror. Again, he winced.

"This is _so very stupid_, Aang. Someone's going to recognize me, and then I'm going to be strung up on a cross for switching fandoms." Aang snorted, but Zuko didn't miss how he jiggled the handle. Sighing, Zuko unlocked the door.

Aang's reaction was priceless. Zuko wished he had a video camera, to watch it over and over. Smirking and holding his arms out to his sides, he spun slowly, cataloguing the dull flush and dilated pupils with appreciation.

"What do you think?" Aang blinked several times, tearing his eyes from Zuko's mouth with difficulty. He cleared his throat and fidgeted.

"Um, it's better than I thought it'd be. It's very…believable. And I've never seen a sexier red shirt." Zuko laughed for real that time, dusting his now-green hands on his pants.

"Come on, we better go meet Sokka. He told us to be there a half-hour ago." Aang snapped out of his staring again as Zuko grabbed his wallet and keycard.

"You can't call him Sokka down there, Zuko, he's the Captain." Zuko rolled his eyes.

"Whatever. Toph didn't tell Katara or "The Captain" that I'm an Orion, did she? It's supposed to be a surprise." Aang grinned at his air quotes.

"Naw, Toph can keep a secret better than anyone. And I can't wait to see the look on Sokka's face. He wanted to be an Orion, you know, but he couldn't pull it off." Zuko raised an eyebrow.

"And I can?" Aang let his eyes rove, but they always came back to hovering over his collarbone. Zuko sighed and pulled his shirts out of the way, revealing the tattoo he'd gotten for their two year anniversary. The Romulan word was etched into his skin forever, and he didn't plan on ever regretting it.

"Why yes, you can, Zuko." Zuko rolled his eyes, but he was still smiling. They got into the elevator, and the whole way down Zuko's nerves mounted.

He'd quit the Jedi thing after getting together with Aang, and finding out that even TOS Star Trek was pretty cool. And like Aang said, he'd been sucked in. Getting to know Aang's friends and agreeing to be their Chief Engineer was the icing on the conversion cake. Being an Orion? That had been Aang's idea. Of course, the little pervert. He still didn't quite get the appeal of being green, but if Sokka and Katara's reactions were anything to go by, it was right on the money.

Toph was in the middle of trying to coax him out of his pants ("Well how else are we supposed to tell if it's all over, Twinkletoes?") when he felt a sudden tap on his shoulder, and turned to see the one person he'd dreaded ever seeing again.

"Hello, Jet," he said stiffly. Jet smirked, leaning back on his hips. He saw that the rat tail was gone, and a little part of him burned at that.

"Hello Zuko. I always figured you'd be a traitor, but I thought you'd go to the Dark Side, instead of becoming a _Trekkie. _Seriously, what clown told you it was cool to paint yourself green?" Zuko had half a retort on his tongue when Aang suddenly had a knife in his hand, stepping in front of Zuko and glaring at Jet. It was supposed to be a prop, but it was still made of metal and sharp enough to cut, though not sharp enough to stab. And Aang knew how to use it. Jet suddenly looked much more nervous.

"Back off, asshole. He hasn't done anything to you." Zuko put a hand on Aang's arm, but Jet was stepping forward, getting into Aang's face and sneering. Zuko's hopes of diffusing the situation went from slim to none as he saw Aang's nostrils flare.

"No, he's just insulted an entire culture by turning his back on it-"

"Are you listening to yourself? It's just a bunch of movies, nerf herder-"

And then Jet's fist flew.

Four hours later, as Aang nursed a swollen lip and a black eye, while Zuko rested an ice bag on his crotch (that's what you got when you tried to pull a pissed off Romulan off of his target, fun times), Zuko glanced wearily over at his boyfriend.

"I blame you. We've been kicked out, if not brought up on charges." And Aang's reaction was to smile, wide and proud. He was also missing a tooth, apparently.

"Sweet. By the way, happy anniversary."

**AN:** I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST JET OR STAR WARS. Except that it's lame, compared to Trek. Just sayin. And if you're INTENSELY OFFENDED BY ZUKO'S CONVERSION TO TREK...well. Bitch at me and I'll write an alternate ending. But other than that, I think it's the logical choice. :P

Romulan!Aang was something I did on a whim. Actually, this whole fic is a whim. Based on the first short (which I ashamedly forget the name of) in the anthology _Geektastic: Stories from the Nerd Herd. _LOVE. READ IT NOW. This hasn't been edited, either. Also, if you know more Romulan than me and I'm using the wrong words, blame the Universal Translator and then yell at me. And most of my knowledge of Star Wars comes from half-remembered bits of the movies and that little short. So, yeah, it's probably wrong. Whatever. As I keep saying, if it's wrong, bitch. It'll get fixed.

EVERYONE WHO LOVES ORION!ZUKO MUST REVIEW, OR AANG WILL KILL YOU WITH HIS ROMULAN FURY. XD


End file.
